Today was an absolutely crazy day and I have felt flustered since it began. Not only did I have to arrive very early to work for meetings and substitute prep for subsequent meetings, I also had to shovel snow at 6:00 in the morning. Needless to say, beginning your day this way does not encourage calm and tranquility within. I was discombobulated all day! As I went through the day, I could tell that my students were extremely wound up after their routines were altered with a sub. I sighed, upset that they were so talkative and antsy while other teachers sat in the back of the room observing me, scribbling madly away. For the entire day, my shoulders felt as if they were up to my ears--I was just that tense.
Then, after the bell had finally rung and the last little one walked out the door in full snowsuit, clomping boots, and ski mask, one of the teachers who had observed me came up. "I'm following you into your room because I just have to tell you, I think you worry too much," she said. This comment came because I had mentioned earlier that my students had been a bit wound up during her observation, though apparently she hadn't thought so one bit.
We laughed and discussed how, yes, I worry too much about . . . everything! And since our conversation, that line has been ringing in my head. But it is not only that line, it is the line this morning from my principal who said with a smile, "You know, you just have to relax. Everything falls into place after you relax." In fact, there are two other people today who have advised me, in different ways, to calm down, slow down, or let things go. hmmmm . . . This might be a problem.
Of course, we've all heard these same words from those perky pregnant women whose favorite thing to do is dish out fertility wisdom to those crippled by infertility: "Just relax", "Just don't think about it", "Just stop trying", "Just take a break and it will happen." I'm sure I'm not the only one around who just wants to punch them in the face when they say this. (My deepest apologies if you are reading this and you are a perky pregnant woman, but if you're reading this, then I'm sure you've been at this same impasse, clenching your fists the same way, and desperately wishing that you could just make them stop talking.) "Stop trying? Take a break? Really? That's your advice?" I always want to ask.
These words are undeniably obnoxious, but how interesting that I received similar advice to calm down and relax from four different people today and not one comment was related to fertility? They all just saw it in me - this worry, this intensity, this imbalance. I can't imagine that worry, intensity, and imbalance are great encouragement to a possible fertilized egg that is trying to decide whether or not to implant into a uterus. I can't imagine that these things make my body very inviting at all, no matter what other factors we are dealing with.
So, type As, I ask-- can we get pregnant? Could it really be harder for us? Is slowing down the means to a beautiful end? Of course, type As get pregnant all over the world. I know this. But I find myself wondering what their journey has been. I'm sure it is a silly question, but I wonder if the percentage of successful pregnancies is lower for those who can't seem to let go of stress and instead live their life at the pace of Road Runner. Maybe finding a sense of calm, slowing my pace just a smidge, and learning to let things go rather than letting them hang over my head is worth a try. Really, I guess anything is worth a try! (sigh) Now, if only I could figure out how to function like that laid back, carefree and coy coyote. Any suggestions? image via looneytunes.wikia.com
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