Why now?

I have been giving a lot of thought to what brought me to this point.  Indeed, for me, it is a sort of breaking point.  Putting my story on the web with the possibility of even a handful reading the intricacies of my life is not the sort of thing I do lightly.  Yet, there wasn't much hesitation after I read over a few blogs.  They brought such calm, such hope, that I simply knew that I needed a way to get my story out of me.  At times it seems pompous, egotistical, but I assure you it is not.  Simply, it is an attempt to be  part of a community of similar women I could relate to.

All told, I am starting this now because it is the beginning of what may be a arduous journey.  With our first fertility appointment this Monday, I am feeling excited, anxious, and downright scared to death!  In light of that, I feel that logging my emotions and finding others now will be beneficial later.  Such things are a process.  Thus, I want to be able to look at where I was emotionally at every step along the way.  I need to have a record of what helps and gives a bit of light and what makes me just sink further.  I need help along the way from others who know such things already, or will explore this uncharted world alongside me!

So, why now? hmmm....

• Because we have our first fertility appointment Monday
• Because I seem to be ovulating just fine
• Because I have loads of charts looking at all possible fertility signs (data I hope the RE will find    just as precious and useful as I do!)
• Because I feel every single twinge in my body and start wondering and obsessing
• Because I am scared of fertility drugs and treatments
• Because I am nearing that mark of trying to conceive for a year with no results
• Because I am always wondering if I am infertile or fertile
• Because I am a rollercoaster of emotions with no control, often feeling empty 
• Because my eyes feel like faucets that I have absolutely no control over
• Because I was recently asked by some random, insensitive male if I was pregnant!  WTH!        (I'm sure I'll feel a need to delve into that further at some point!)  
• Because one of my best friends just announced she was pregnant the second month of trying to     conceive (lots ofstory there I am sure I will get into later)
• Because I have to give myself a pep talk every time I see or talk to her. . . "You can do this.  You can get through this.  Stop crying!  You can do this."
• Because simply everyone seems to be announcing they are pregnant!
• Because I can't stop thinking about everything I want to say!

I'm sure I could go on and on, but these are a few of the main reasons.  Many I will assuredly have to revisit as they are just too monumental to ignore on such a blog.  And if you're reading this and you'd like to hear about any or can relate to any, please let me know!  I can write or talk for hours on any one and plan on doing just that!